Big Girls Don't Cry... (Dedicated to 'The Great Man')

Fergie doesn't know anything. I'm a big as girl and I cry all the time!

Today, I'm putting myself out there and saying I cry almost everyday. I'm 7 months pregnant and this is no exception. I've been a sookie for AGES!

I can think of 'Whale Rider' and start crying. I cry when I mentally replay the scene in 'Lion King' when Simba is trying to wake up Mufasa who is lying dead under a tree after being trampled by hundreds of antelopes (all of whom were probably bowing down at Pride Rock in the opening scene! How can they not recognise the King of the Jungle?? I picture them thinking 'Oh look its Mufasa' *stomp stomp stomp on his face*). When I think of 'Legends of the Fall' in the scene where Elizabeth is shot in the head and Brad Pitt (being the awesome cryer he is!) is holding her lifeless body in the back of the cart and then he starts carrying her up the road... oh my *TEAR*

That's not even including happy scenes that make me cry. I cried when I watched that episode of 'Mobbed' when the grandma and grand aunt meet her 6yr old grandson she didn't know about. I cried at the end of 'Shawshank Redemption' when Red (Morgan Freeman) is walking towards Andy (Tim Robbins) on the beach after finding the envelope with the letter and money in it under the black rock - a great reunion *TEAR* Even songs! The 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree' song makes me teary because the guy's worried his girlfriend won't want him back after he is released from prison. When he arrives to the place there's 100 yellow ribbons on the tree meaning she def. wanted his criminal ass back lol AND for added emotional effect everyone on the bus (who all happen to be prisoners, too lol) are cheering for him. This is such a happy song! So happy you forget to ask why he was in jail and how long for and if he was out on parole or served the full sentence. I prefer happy old songs over all the 'Bust that hoe' crap playing on the radio (all those rappers have probably done jail time and have countless hoes girlfriends they go home to... BUT do they love them like the guy loves the girl in the Yellow Ribbon song? hmmm no I don't think so!)

So pretty much anything can trigger the huge dam behind my eyes that fills the Ocean of Glorya's Tears... BUT what I wanted to talk about today wasn't Hollywood theatrics or happy-endings-after-prison-life songs... but what makes me cry like a little bee at home.

I've been a mother now for almost 7 1/2 years. My husband and I have quite an exciting on the brink of getting jabbed in the face story. We met when we were both 11 years old at Howick Intermediate School in 2000. We were both form 1, from the hood OTARA, Samoan and both moepi as (I think his level of moepi'ness was wayyy more advanced than level 0.5 that I was on the climbing up the ladder guyyyy lol). Anyway my mum was his teacher and he ended up liking me *cough cough* and then he was my first boyfriend. Because of the moepi nature of our relationship (gosh relationship sounds too heavy for what we had lol) it didn't last because moepi'ness turned into maturity which lead to the 'I'm sorry I'm too young for this' talk but really my mum found out and gave me the biggest ear bashing in the car in front of his best friend on the way home from the school disco. *TEAR*

Fast forward to 2004 and both Form 1 Glorya and Form 1 1st Boyfriend had blossomed into 5th Form Glorya who just got out of her fia Bloodz wearing red dickies phase and The Man pretty popular and now advanced skanky hoe HAHA just kidding.

x = 4581/96524 (2475-968) / cos (tan) sin x $2.20 bus fare on the Howick and Eastern 569 bus = He liked me... (and shhhh I was super-infatuated with him and his sportiness and coolness and SWAGGERRRRRR) and 'The Man' was again... my boyfriend!

Even though we were young and in love (moepi is echoing in my mind again) it wasn't the whole daisies in my hair and matching denim outfits while everyone came to frolic in the meadows with us as the sun set kinda story. My friends wanted to beat me up + all these other dramas that school girls go through including lies and feelings and 'I'm carrying his baby' and 'I liked him first' and 'you betrayed me' and blah blah blah who freakin' cares? I married him lol.

After all that the frolicking in the meadows commenced!
I remember one afternoon it was raining really bad and we were both waiting for the bus to go home. We both went under the bus stop shelter and he gave me his jacket to wear (amazin' jock and fat mascot cheerleader moment lol), facing his back to the road. It was pouring down with rain but I wasn't too worried because we were both dry under the shelter, or so I thought. When we got into the bus the back of his school shirt and shorts were soaked... not 'oh no a puddle' soaked but 'I think your uniform is see through' soaked... and he was shivering his butt off. What a stink girlfriend, ae! Shut up no ones asking you! But that's how awesome he is. I would never know if he was cold or sore or hungry or if he was going out of his way for me because he always put me first. I was totally oblivious and too stupid to realise any of that stuff because he loved me more than I could tell.

Then I got preggeroonies...

And nothing changed! He was still awesome, still 'The Man'. I hardly ever had lunch money and he'd always buy my lunch and made sure I had enough to eat (probably why I'm twice the size of our first car). He paid me onto the bus and would always make sure I had a seat. If I was walking too slow to the bus stop he'd wait with me to catch the next one even though we'd be super late to school. He'd stand with me in the bushes (HOLD ON not like that you dirty filthy pig mind! lol) and rub my back as I puked my brains out because of the morning sickness. He'd save money and we'd have massive as feeds after school then he'd watch me walk home through the alley way and up my driveway to make sure I got home okay. He had money stashed away so we bought clothes for baby every couple of weeks and hid it in a suitcase under my bed. He came to every appointment for baby and I can remember seeing his big smile every time we heard baby's heart beat. He made sure we attended all our appointments and scans and antenatal classes and that I did all my assessments (we both passed Level 2 that year). My parents didn't know I had a boyfriend & I didn't have a phone LOL... so he wrote me letters and posted them to my house. I always knew he cared for us, even when we didn't see each other.

And this is all during our 6th form year at school. Both our parents didn't even know I was pregnant until after we sat our end of year exams (we both passed every class!) and by then I was 8 months pregnant. He's done so much for me and at every turn he could've left... but he stayed and manned up to his responsibilities. Cue Aaradhna's 'Great Man'.

I call my husband 'The Man' because that is exactly what he is. Right from the beginning he's always looked after me and treated me the way I would want our future daughter to be treated by her hot, sporty and cool boyfriend with swagger lol. 

Our son was born in December 2005 and The Man had already started working. He bought the cot and the high chair and the car seat and nappies and clothes and toys but most importantly he was always there. We didn't live together until we got married but he always made sure we had what we needed.

My parents were willing to take baby as their own if we were unable to care for him (I understood the gesture :) but of course we didn't because he was our baby and we loved him too much not to care and love him as his parents - that's what we are, his parents. We felt grown enough to do 'it' *cringing*, so we felt grown enough to be responsible for our baby) and my dad recalls a time he saw The Man cradling our newborn son in his hands. They were staring into each others eyes and my dad knew then that he could never get in between the love The Man had for his son.

I can sit here and think about how amazing my husband is and be totally overwhelmed by how God made someone just for me to love and be loved by. I think about how much I love our son... its unconditional and never ending and it can bring me to tears thinking about him. I love him so much it hurts deep in my soul. I worry about him and want to be with him and make him laugh and make sure he's okay and warm and well fed every minute of the day.... and I know The Man feels exactly the same! I love The Man even more because he's a GREAT father! The love I have for my boys - The Man and Little Man - makes me cry all the time. The fact that I can be full of faults and a big rude dude and labelled a million things and still be worthy of love and be capable of loving another more than myself is mind boggling. Thinking about what we've been through and where we are now is evidence there is a God. We cant take any credit for our lives! He set us free. The God of love - in fact the personification of LOVE! - loves me enough to give me a family to love! Thank you LORD!

Psalms 56:8 "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

For every Big Girl that cries... there is a God who has written a plan for your life and wants a relationship with you. He knows all your troubles and collects your tears in jars. I probably have a whole warehouse of jars, but regardless of why you're crying whether it be sad parts in movies or sad parts in your life... God knows and is the only person who can complete you. He has made you someone special and loves you enough to send His Son Jesus (something I cannot comprehend) to die for you on the cross. You will find no one else like Him! He is the Prince of Peace and the King of Kings.

Jeremiah 29:11 "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

My story sounds really dandy and happy, but there have been times I've cried because I don't understand things or I can't figure out why things are happening the way they are or because of insecurities or because my heart hurts and I cant breathe because of several different things and I cry out to Him. It is Him why we live a life of freedom. He hears me and He's a big enough God to hear ALL OF US. 

My story is only special because it has a great Saviour in it and His name is Jesus. 

From moepi to motherhood to married life... I dedicate this blog to my Husband - The Man - who has loved me more than I will ever know...
and I dedicate my life to the King of all Kings - Jesus the Messiah / Yeshua Ha Mashiach, who loves me with agape love, bottles every one of my tears and knows my heart inside out.

To all the big girls who cry... Join the club!